here’s a little november update. there’s a new project in the ‘work’ section, and you can scroll down to see some recent posters in the sidebar. Other November updates include: I have bummer facial hair, and we ordered business cards for All Of Our Friends. Click any of these to visit the sites.

An auto updating site for my good friend Adam’s musical project ‘American Tomahawk.’

An small and simple site for one of the most brilliant sound producers in the U.S.

A simple splash page for Stephen’s band ‘A Mouthful of Thunder.’ Video by Luca Venter.

A placeholder site for the poster printing company i sometimes work for. New site in production.

Lately i have been asking myself this question constantly. I know that i work, and i know that i’m good at it, but i’m not sure WHY I do.

I am sure there is a call in all of us to aspire to greatness, but what happens when that obsession is to prove to ourselves we are worth something?

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A while ago i watched The Social Network. If you haven’t seen it i highly recommend it. I’m about to do some light spoiling for you, so if you haven’t seen it, just know that i’m not really ruining anything, as the movie is not exactly a “big reveal” kind of movie.

The Social Network is essentially about Mark Zuckerberg. It’s probably a little bit about Facebook, but what i saw in it was a brilliant documentation of the mind of a creator.

Opening the movie is a scene of Mark out with his lady friend, Erica. During their conversation Mark is obsessed with picking the right “club” to join on campus, and disregards her attempt of connection with him in order to focus on what will make him “cool.” Erica (seemingly have had been through this many times before) decides to break up with Mark.

This is important because it give Mark’s “why.” Before Facebook and Justin Timberlake, Mark is obsessed. Not with work, the internet, or even with programming, but with acceptance (at least the idea of it).

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A little over a year ago, I went through a tough breakup. I’ve tried really hard to act like it never happened or to gloss over all of the bummer times, but the truth is that it was hard, and it knocked me out of my flow for about three months.

I think the reason i tried to avoid talking about it (besides that the internet is at max quota for whiners.) is that it gave me an immense amount of my drive, and admitting that is a scary thing.

Breaking up is difficult; when your basis of reality is shaken everyone tells you to work out, and work hard, keep moving, and stay near people, but no one ever says “take your time and grieve.” The hard reality is that i learned how to code in three months because i needed something to focus on. Since i launched this site (about a year ago at this point) I’ve launched (on average) 1.7 sites a month. That is not efficient, that is an addiction.

I have been working for so long to get my mind off of that pain that long after the pain subsided my work continued to be my “safe place.” That is my “why.” It’s in my work that i can say “look everyone, i can do something, i’m not such a screw up.” It’s in my work that i can control my life, and in that same control I lose sight of what work (and my life) is about.

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In the final scenes of the The Social Network, Mark Zuckerberg is working alone, and Rashida Jones (who btw is a total babe) reaches out and shares that she too had become obsessed with work because of a rejection that happened. Mark shrugs it off, and at this point, the viewer is left with a feeling of pity for Mark. Instead of reaching out towards the community around him, Mark counter-intuitively spent all of his time creating something that would prove to everyone that he deserved a community around him.

Ironically, Mark had spent his life pushing people that loved him away in favor for work, in hopes that that very work would give him some validation that he deserved to be loved.

Mark’s “why” became a vicious cycle of “lose friends » work more,” and when he reached the end of the movie, he had no one to share his ideas with. The last scene really hit me, because sometimes i see me in that chair, working alone, thinking “this will make me important” with every pen stroke, and it is a dangerous place to be.

I think sometimes I focus so hard on what I’m making of myself that i separate myself from the community i am looking to connect with in the first place.

Mark and I both learned the hard way that what you do is important, but it’s not nearly important as the people around you. By stepping back I finally realize that its not my work, but my vulnerability that makes me a good friend.

Surround yourself with people you love and get to work.
Not because it makes you important, but because you are important.

Oh man. So much has happened in the past month, and so many things I’m not even going to mention in this post!

First off, I finally bit the bullet and started using my twitter. follow @danielevangarza if you’d like to read stupid things I say more often than when I post them on facebook. I also started using Dribbble. Follow me there if you do that sort of thing.

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Mid July, my buddy justin from CU’s Program council asked me to design their giveaway tees (you can see em here) which has been our deal for the past three years. Justin’s pretty much the best guy and gave me creative license, so I made these awesome boombox bruiser guys. It was a great time for everyone, but I was kinda unsatisfied. See, sometimes when I design something for shirts, I wish it was for print so I could max out the colors. This was one of those times.

So. I made a poster. A really, really cool poster that I thought Program Council & the bands (and subsequent management) would really enjoy. Lets go ahead and fast forward to when I send the poster to the management of the bands (under a bcc no less) as a gift with print files and everything.

This was my mistake. This was my stupid, stupid mistake.

I’m sure in college they tell all the students to respect branding guidelines, event coordinators, maybe even to “dumb down” a design to fit mass appeal. I have never been told that. Unfortunately my naivety came to fruition when I received a reply from one of the promoters. They were unhappy and they were panicking. See, when you bcc your recipients with your content, they don’t see how many people it goes to. In their heads my 5 recipient email was a thousand person email-blast. That’s not good. This is when this turns into a learning experience.

Let me say that I don’t make too many mistakes. I make very, very calculated decisions so that I don’t appear like the self taught newb that I feel like I am. So when I’ve suddenly angered the biggest client of my friend at CU with a well-intentioned, but stupid gesture, I have no experience with damage control. I have no idea how to fix this.

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I’d like to pause here and recall a moment of anger I had with my good friend Luca Venter. Luca had graciously filmed an acoustic take-away show of my band, and (much like me in my recent ‘mistake’) had been well intentioned with his gift, but didn’t “give it to me the right way.” I got upset at him for not listening not following branding things or chatting with me before launching, or whatever (i can’t really remember now), but the point is that getting upset with him for not giving me something the “right way” was stupid and callous of me.

When someone gives you something, it means they used their abilities to benefit you. If it’s a high-schooler that made a 72dpi flyer for your upcoming show, or a friend who made you ugly business cards to help your new business out, they tried to help. And therein lies what I learned from making a mistake:

Sometimes the desire to appear like we’ve “got it all together” gets in the way of recognizing that some people care about you, and are trying to help. When we use the opinions or requirements of others to justify being ungrateful to people who are trying to hook us up, we get callous. A simple “thank you, but we’ve already got this covered” makes all the difference for the newbs (like myself) that are just trying to figure out how this all works.

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The end of the story is that my friend Justin stepped in and resolved everything with grace, and taught me how to handle big-kid mistakes.

At the end of the day, I made a poster that wasn’t in their guidelines, and used a bcc to freak them out, neither of which I will ever do again. I will also never again get upset with someone for not helping me the “right way.”

5 new projects today at the work page & four new downloads. check it out.

The last month or so has been an interesting one. I’ve been feeling more and more pressure to “make something of myself,” and with my sister out of town, it is far too easy to stay up till 4am every night and work my tail off. Things have been really, really fast paced and I’ve had to just trust that eventually all this hard work is gonna pay off – certainly harder than it sounds. and it sounds hard.

I’m both excited and frightened thinking about the upcoming launch of All Of Our Friends. We’ve set up a Twitter and a Tumblr as a sort of interim while we get the rest of the site up and running. If you do either of those things, you should follow along, it’s going to be quite a ride.

One thing I’ve seen lately that has been really inspirational was this video from The 99% conference by Seth Godin:

Seth talks about the importance of “shipping,” and well-timed “thrashing”. I think that often times I’ll get 90% finished with a project and then I’ll just tear myself down, thinking that I am not improving as quickly or as well as I should be. this video, however, was really inspiring to me, as it focused on “shipping,” or DOING something.

I love that idea. I feel like it gives me the extra push necessary to believe in what I’m doing, and recognize that I need to DO things, regardless of their acceptance.

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I have always been focused on reversing the “freshman-year” feeling that it’s not ok to be “learning” anymore. I’ve always disagreed with the “fake it till you make it” lifestyle because I’ve thought that when the designer is disingenuous in the creative process, the work suffers. It’s ironic then, that I am consistently harder and harder on myself, instead of focusing on “doing and moving.”

Truth is, after not being accepted for some advertising positions in town I find myself clawing at my abilities, trying to make myself more “sell-able,” and the pressure to inflate my pursuits has never been stronger. I am always curious as to what the “right” way to represent one’s self in the advertising/design world is.

So. I guess I have been focused too much on “doing it right the first time,” and not enough of “just doing it.” 99% perspiration, people. Nike’s got it right.

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otherwise, I’ve been working so much. I’ve got a few posters to show pretty soon, but I’ll save that for the next post.

below is a recent ad run I did for my band’s set at the UMS. I printed a bunch of transparencies with some mustaches on em. Really satisfying when someone ASKS you for a flyer from your back pocket. Fun times.

Hope you’re well.

The last few months have been a blur. I’ve learned a bit of AJAX, played my first show on a drum kit, hand-printed my own posters, and learned how to ride a little banana board. It’s been nuts!

I’ve updated with three updates to the work page. I’m starting to recognize that pretty soon i’ll have to prune my work into my ‘best work’ in order to keep my portfolio nice and neat. I suppose that’s what a portfolio is supposed to be.

I also put a new download up, it’s of some wolves and foxes i sketched up when i was trying to find the concept for the To The Big River poster. They’re pre-edit, but should be a great start for anyone using them.

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I don’t know where i read it, but the most inspiring thing i’ve read in quite some time has been the idea of “creating” one’s future. Essentially the idea is that we all have a dream job, and we usually work for it and/or apply for it, but rarely does the idea come up to create it. Creating the future you want to live in is such an amazing concept to me, because i have a habit of “falling into” things. I “fell” into music, “fell” into design, etc.

Being intentional with every move/job/idea we have opens up the potential to sway our lives in the direction we want them to go in. Isn’t that an amazing concept?

i’ve been feeling like momentum is starting to grow this past month. I’m so, so very excited to unleash All Of Our Friends and i’m about three projects from pouring every minute i have into it. I think that it can help create a positive, fulfilling future for me, and all of my friends. That’s the aim, at least.

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A recent find of mine is the blog of Jon Acuff (Of Stuff Christians Like fame). Jon says things i have been trying to put into words for years, and he does it SO eloquently. Check it out if you’re unemployed, un-motivated, or just looking to get excited about your opportunities. His views on inherent potential are VERY inspiring.

I can’t wait to share some projects that are currently “under wraps.” It’s going to be an amazing summer.

I hope you’re having a great week.

In my time designing i’ve learned that we (designers, or I guess, all creatives) ebb and flow. Some weeks we’re unstoppable, and some weeks we’re rock-bottom, wondering when we’re ever going to feel the fulfillment of satisfaction for a project again.

I was listening to this itunes originals thing for Death Cab For Cutie and in one of the tracks, Ben Gibbard said something that really resonated with me:

“I think that earlier on I would wait for the moment to hit me and then feel really inspired, you know, THEN pick up a guitar, and THEN try to write a song. But, in recent years, i’ve found myself just making an effort just to get up in the morning and work on music, and TRY to write something. It can be a very difficult kind of roller coaster ride to be on when you spend all day and all your efforts trying to make something work, and it doesn’t work. It’s the worst feeling in the world, because you leave that day of work or that day of writing, (or attempting to write), just going ‘am I ever going to write a song again’ you know, “have I bottomed out?” or whatever. And then the next day you write something you’re really happy with and you’re on top of the world.

And that’s always the drive, you know, is just to continue experiencing that moment of satisfaction and elation when you finish something you’re really proud of”

About a month ago I kind of fell off the planet. I had a client who required a more-than-normal amount of revisions, and I realized that I had not been producing as much as I was used to, and that was all it took to knock me out of a flow (and thusly into an ebb).

For-client work is a tricky world for me. On one hand I have a person coming to me because they trust my artistic view on things. On the other hand, if my client wants something changed, I change it (after all, they are paying me to). In my opinion, this back and forth is what wears creatives down the most.

We are taught to be emotionally disconnected from our designs, but to pour every bit of ability we have into them. We are essentially trained to be vicarious creativity, and that is a painful realization to occasionally have; “this person wants me to design this because he doesn’t know how to use illustrator, not because I am a designer with ideas. they don’t care amount my creativity, just my creative ability.” It can be a little much at times.

The more I thought about it, my little “ebb” started to grow. I began questioning my abilities, I reviewed all of my work and felt like it was amateur, and watched the success of my friends and started to compare mine to theirs. In short, I started to get antsy.

This happens from time to time. I think if everyone is honest, we can all agree that we all can get to this place. Suddenly I was asking all the questions Ben had mentioned in that quote. “Have I bottomed out?” I had ebbed before, so the question I always asked myself was “am I REALLLY trying?” and suddenly Ben Gibbard’s words echoed in my head. I had been doing the amount of work necessary for the job, not necessary for my satisfaction. I was stuck thinking something “might” get sent back. Something “might” be a waste of time.

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So. there I was, in an “ebb,” having trouble opening illustrator, having trouble focusing on my to-do list, and the lack of motivation was a snowball. So, I pulled a Ben Gibbard, and I decided to just start working. I decided to wake up and “Just start drawing something, anything.”

I started on a vector of an elk, and then I moved on to some wolves, and then to foxes, and then I was doing shirt designs for friends, and then album covers, and then I started making posters, websites, more shirts, etc. None of it paid, none of it was for anything other than me, and it all filled me up. Then I realized my real problem that led to my “ebb;” I had stopped working because it “might” not pay, or it “might” not be approved, and in that mentality, I had stopped advancing.

The problem with “mights” is that we (as creatives) usually only see the negative of it. We “might” get stiffed, we “might” have to compromise our design past what makes us comfortable, we “might” waste time on a project and a better one “might” come along.

What we fail to see is that we “might” create something better than we’ve ever made, we “might” be freed from our boundaries, we “might” create something we’re incredibly proud of.

I encourage you (reader of this blog) to do something that might make you proud.

Notice that there is a ‘might’ there, accept the risk, and get to work. Maybe it’s something you haven’t done in a while, or maybe it’s something you used to do everyday. Whether it’s crocheting a hand towel, designing a new website for your studio, or even just alphabetizing your DVD collection, do something that “might” make you proud of yourself.

You’ll find your ‘ebbs’ disappear before you know it.

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here are some recent posters i’ve finished, that I made because they “might” turn out well:

my friend andrew hoffman just launched his new site. check it out